At Least I Get to Say Goodbye
by Delta Story
Summary: My "maiden" story re: Resolutions. written in April 1999


AT LEAST I GET TO SAY GOODBYE

(Written April 1999)  
  


~*~  
  
The orb of the yellow dwarf sun was almost directly overhead; it was late springtime on this third planet in the daystar's family of seven worlds. The solar body's rays scattered like fractals, bouncing and banking off obstructions along its path, but finally gathering together to illuminate the images on the surface below. As they reached the surface, the beams softly wrapped around the form of the small woman kneeling on the ground, embracing her with their warmth and energy. 

She smiled as a formless dream drifted across the still waters of her soul. Her face glowed in the sun, smooth and alive with a new-found peace. Wisps of rich brown hair escaped from the mass of tresses she had tied at the nape of her neck, tickling her ears and nose and lips. She brushed it back with hands darkened with the rich dirt she was working, leaving smudges on her chin and cheeks. She had been humming, but had quickly stopped, when, listening to herself, she admitted subconsciously that she could not sing... no, not even hum. But then, some days are meant for singing, days when words alone cannot express happiness. She sat back on her heels, admiring the fledgling strength in the young plants she was tending. She replaced her humming with a soft laugh, wondering why it had taken her so long to realize what he had known for an eternity. 

So immersed in her gardening, she had not heard him come up behind her. Only when his hands encompassed her shoulders and began kneading the work-worn muscles did she recognize his presence. She leaned back into his grasp, surrendering to his healing caress. 

"So... how is your garden doing?" he finally, lowering himself to a seated position, encircling her body with his. 

Her laughter rang as pure and golden as the sunlight flooding them. "Well, we will probably have tomatoes in another two months," she answered. "You know, I never thought that I could find such complete happiness in such a job." 

It was his turn to laugh. "It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it." He picked up one of her hands and gently brushed the soil off. He raised her hand to his lips, and kissed each finger, finally twining his hand with hers. 

"Come inside. There's something I want to show you." 

"What now?" she laughed. "Chakotay, you just have to stop surprising me with your gifts. You're spoiling me, you know!" 

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he grinned. He swooped her up into his arms, and she hooked her dirty hands around his neck, pulling him down to her and welcoming his lips on hers. 

"And you have to stop spoiling **_me_**!" he finally gasped, reveling in her sweet touch and taste. She wriggled free from his arms, and ran on ahead. 

"Last one in has to cook for three days!" she taunted. 

"Then I'll just take my time," he laughed while strolling along leisurely, knowing that her cooking was pretty much limited to brewing coffee and peeling fruit. 

She reached the modular building that had been their shelter for almost two months. Chakotay had been modifying its structure, expanding the walls and redesigning the interior configuration. After the plasma storm which had nearly destroyed everything, his renovations had begun to take on the semblance of a real house. 

She stood in the great room, waiting for him to come in, memories of the storm tumbling all over each other. That had been the turning point. Even if she hadn't lost most of her research equipment, just the experience of having survived the howling devastation, huddled under the table with him, had bared the innermost emotions in both of them. In the following days, as they cleared away the debris of the storm... and of their relationship... she knew that they would be rebuilding themselves also. 

She first recognized it in his touch as he pulled back her hair to rub her ravished muscles after the physical exertion of making their repairs. Slight and hesitant, his feelings flew from his fingertips into her heart. He suddenly stopped... as did her heart. Why hadn't she realized this before? It had been there all along, in both of them. She could recall his looks, his laughs of the past two years, all calling out for her, wrapped in his love. And she knew now that she had buried her similar feelings under the facade of command and uniform. But now... now... they were just Kathryn and Chakotay, two ordinary people trying to survive. 

That night, she couldn't sleep, and knew that the problem had to be addressed. As she tossed restlessly in her bed, she could hear his discomfort in anxious movements. She finally got up and went out to him, calmly stating that they had to decide on how they were going to continue. Overtly, they agreed to remain as the loyal friends they had become on Voyager; he even spun a lovely tale of an angry warrior who lived only to serve his beautiful, wise warrior queen. But she saw through his thinly disguised attempt. She reached out her hand to him, and his fingers meshed with hers. The narrow table between them suddenly disappeared, as they both leaned into each other, their lips hungrily consuming one another. And that night, the angry warrior and his queen became lovers. 

A tingling sense told her that he was standing in the door, watching her. She turned, her own glowing smile matching his. 

"Well? What is this surprise you have for me?" 

"Come," he said, taking her hand and leading her through the door in the solid wall that he had constructed, replacing the opaque cubicle walls they originally had. There, in the compact area that had been her bedroom, he had pushed their two beds together, held securely in place by the double bed sized headboard that he had made. 

"So... what do you think?" he asked smugly. 

Her look was one of mock severity, her right eyebrow higher than Tuvok's had ever been. 

"Don't you think you should have asked me what I wanted?" she provoked. 

He swung her up into his arms, and laid her on the surface of the bed before positioning himself on his stomach next to her. 

"You're kidding, aren't you?" he teased. "Kathryn, we haven't slept apart ever since... well, ever since **_that_** night!" 

"Of course I'm teasing," she responded, reaching up to pull him within lip range. "I can't even begin to imagine ever being without you." Her kiss was a long, thirsty one, as her hands ran down his back. "Chakotay, I'm beginning to think that this virus was the best thing that ever happened to us." 

"You don't miss Voyager?" he asked gently. 

"Well... yes; in a way. But on Voyager, we could never have each other like this; we both know that." 

"Mmmm. So... I have bug bites to thank for bringing you to your senses," he chortled. 

She became pensive. "I'm sure that Tuvok is doing all right. And the crews are working well together now." 

He soothed her concerns. "Yes, they're all good people. They'll make it back fine. And I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't talk Starfleet into coming back for us, after they return." 

She laughed. "And will they find an old rickety couple who can't even remember why they ended up here?" 

"Perhaps," he grinned. 

"With children and grandchildren?" she continued. 

He sat up, his face gleaming with surprise at her words. 

"What? What did you say?" 

"Well, we **_would_** want to make sure that Starfleet found something that told them they made it back to the right planet," she responded. 

He wrapped her in his arms, his words getting lost in her hair. "Do you mean that, Kathryn? I mean... us... with children?" 

"Well, I certainly haven't seen any indication of other humans on this planet. And somehow or another, as fond as I am of **_him_**, I don't think that the monkey is quite my type." 

"So that leaves me," he teased back. 

"That's right. What do you think?" 

"Kathryn, you always have a plan. That's one of the things I've always loved about you. Your mind is constantly plotting the next move, whether it's unknown space ahead of us, or which rock would make the best retaining wall." 

She pulled him over to her. "**_You_** are my retaining wall, Chakotay. You bring stability into my life, and have always quelled some of my more idiotic ... um... plans. Never again will I be able to function... to exist... without you." 

He smiled back at her. "Nor could I ever be complete without you. You are the life in my spirit; the flame in my fire." 

A silence froze the air until his words cut into it. "Have we just repeated some sort of commitment vows?" 

She lovingly kissed him. "I guess we have." She paused and tenderly took his hand. "And as a former Starfleet captain, I pronounce us... human companion mates on this planet. Mr. Chakotay, you may kiss the bride." 

"I'm going to more than that," he grinned, reaching for the opening of her dress. "How about inaugurating our... marital bed?" 

She smiled back at him. "With the greatest of physical pleasure." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Each day brought with it new discoveries and small delights. Flowers resembling bluebells lined the banks of the nearby river with a swath of periwinkle. Chakotay had begun to cut down some nearby trees and was notching them, following Kathryn's instructions on how to construct a solid exterior to their home. She was venturing further and further in her explorations of the areas around them, each day noting new species of plants and animals. The ever-present monkey became her guide and constant companion on her investigation jaunts. Ever since his warning of the plasma storm, she welcomed his company. 

The Talaxian tomatoes and Terran maize were gaining stature. All of the plants were now about 15 cm. tall, and thus far seemed free of major insect infestations. Still, Kathryn daily tended them, freeing the surrounding soil of any unwelcomed sprouts or pests. She didn't mind the dirt and grime, for it only gave her an excuse to use her wonderful bathtub... her first "love gift", as she now thought of it, remembering that evening when she had been in it and Max (the name she now had for her small primate friend) had first shown himself. It was that night when she first noticed a far-off look in Chakotay's eyes, a secret promise that foreshadowed the love that that was now so resplendent and welcome. 

Chakotay silently came up behind her; but she could sense his presence. 

"Hello there," she said, patting the disrupted soil around one of the plants. 

"Mmmm," he murmured. "Looks like your garden is succeeding. Kes' skills seemed to have rubbed off on you." 

"Well, I **_was_** exposed to some skills when I was growing up, you know." She stood up, brushing off her hands, a wistful look in her eyes. "My mother would be very proud of me. I usually begged off such endeavors when I was growing up; quantum physics was much more interesting!" 

He groaned. "Oh, yes; how well I agree with that!" He took her hand and as was his practice, brushed the dirt off and kissed her fingers. "It's surprise time." 

"Oh, my; what this time?" she laughed. 

"Something I think you'll like," he smiled. 

They put their arms around each other's waist and walked to the house, which was now a quarter of the way covered with dark logs. 

He led her to the table, where there was a large padd with a three dimensional image, turning in degrees so that she could see all the sides. 

"A boat!" she cried out gleefully. "You're planning to build a boat!" 

"Well, with the weather turning warmer, I thought that this might give us an opportunity to explore a little more... maybe even leave this area for two or three days." 

"Oh, yes," she cried out, clapping her hands and twirling in a circle, finally stopping and hugging him. "Oh, Chakotay; I do love boats!" 

"Why do you think I designed it?" he laughed. "Once a captain, always a captain!" 

"And you can be my first mate!" she sang. 

"Of course," he nodded in agreement. 

"Oh, Chakotay... how long do you think it will take you to build it?" 

"It's already started. I had hoped to get the log exterior of the house done first, but I think I can divide my time and have both finished in about a month. Now... granted this isn't going to be the admiral's yacht..." 

"I wouldn't want it to be," she grinned. "This is to be ours... and ours alone. Oh, Chakotay... I **_do_** love you!" she exclaimed. 

"Glad that you're happy," he smiled. "How about a little down payment?" 

She reached up and pulled him down for a kiss that would have bought a planet. 

"Hmmm," he whispered. "I think I'd better get to work." 

"Right now?" she asked, leading him towards their sleeping room. 

"Well, maybe I should wait until it cools off a bit," he laughed, following her tempting lead. 

A muffled cracking sound interrupted their banter. She looked around. 

"What was that?" she asked. 

Again, the static noise called. Now, she could hear the source of the electromagnetic resonance. It was a voice. 

"Captain Kathryn Janeway... please respond." 

Her eyes looked up at him, wide with surprise and fear. 

"It's Tuvok!" she cried out, running to the shelf where their comm badges lay buried. She picked up the metallic devices like they were hot coals, and quickly placed them on the table. 

"Captain Janeway... Commander Chakotay..." 

She hit hers in response. "Yes, Tuvok. Janeway here." 

"Captain, I am pleased to inform you that we have obtained an antiserum for your infection. We are returning to the planet for you." 

Kathryn and Chakotay looked at each other, their eyes playing through a myriad of emotions at hearing the familiar voice... words both welcomed and devastating. 

"Yes, Tuvok; we understand." 

"Captain... it is good to hear your voice. We will be there in approximately 30 hours. You and the commander are well, I trust?" 

"Yes... yes; we are fine. And we... " she stammered.. "We... look forward to rejoining you and the rest of the crew." 

"As do we anticipate your return, Captain. You and Mr. Chakotay have been... sorely missed." 

The communication was broken. The couple continued looking at each other, more questions than answers in their minds. A lifetime ahead; a rescue and a trip resumed. 

"We have a lot to do," Chakotay said quietly. 

"Yes, we do," she agreed, knowing that her tone should sound more jubilant. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
He brought out the last metal container, setting it on the ground next to her. She was standing as still as a willow tree on a windless day. Her hair was coiled tightly against her head in command mode, her body clad in severe Starfleet black and red. Only her face betrayed her, with quivering lips and eyes blinking back tears. 

"Are we doing the right thing?" she asked in a barely recognizable voice. 

"We are doing what we have to do," he answered, cradling her tremulous face with his broad hands. 

"Will the crew understand?" she continued. 

"Yes," he said. "And so will you... in time." 

"Will I?" she murmured. 

His eyes wavered for an instant. "Our spirits will always be together; you must remember that." 

She took his hands in hers. "Nothing will be the same. I don't know if I can go on." 

"You will. This is the only way it can be. Any other way would betray our promises to ourselves. If you stayed here, you would always regret not fulfilling your vow to get our crews home. If I go with you, I would have to remain your first officer, denying that our lives ever meant anything else. Anything less than that would one day destroy both of us. No... it is right for us to be doing it this way." 

"Voyager **_will_** make it back to the Alpha Quadrant; I know that," she said, her voice attempting to remain firm and resolute. "And then... and then..." she continued stammering, "And then... I promise to find a way to come back for you. I do promise you this." 

"I know," he nodded with gentleness. 

Janeway's comm badge buzzed. Tuvok's voice cleared itself before saying, "Captain..." 

She nodded to him, as if he could see her voice. "One more moment, Tuvok." 

"Understood," came the empathetic reply. 

"At least I get to say goodbye," she whispered, reaching for him one last time. 

Their lips comforted each other with memories of what had been and promises of hope for that to come. 

"I will always love you, Kathryn Janeway." 

She touched his chiseled cheek, imprinting its image in her soul. "And I you, my angry warrior." She tapped her comm badge. 

"Mr. Tuvok, one to beam up." 

Her image shimmered into its sub-molecular transport, leaving a void as immense as the universe itself next to Chakotay. 

~ finis ~


End file.
